Death & Grief

Death & Grief

Last few days have been strange. I might have never heard as many bad news as I did last week. It began with a series of news of people whom I knew or their near and dear ones dying. A young employee of our office lost his wife. His was a truly strange story. They were a happy family till a few months back. Suddenly, illness struck, she was operated in Guwahati, but could not survive. Around two of my seniors lost their parents. Another employee of my office came to me yesterday saying that his son is in ICU in the hospital. Then a colleague of mine told me that this weekend, she is planning to spend some time reading stories to a cousin of hers who is terminally ill. So thoughtful of her. But still, all this filled me with a lot of sadness and grief. I wondered. Why do such things happen? If God is kind and he is Supreme, why does he make us suffer? This made me read more about death and grief and even though it is friendship week, I can’t help but think about these depressing thoughts.
When coping with a death, we go through all kinds of emotions. We may be sad, worried, or scared. At times we are shocked, unprepared, or confused. Very often we feel angry, cheated, guilty, exhausted, or just plain empty. Our emotions are stronger or deeper than usual or mixed together in ways we have never experienced before.
Some people find they have trouble concentrating, studying, sleeping, or eating when they're coping with a death. Others lose interest in activities they used to enjoy. Some people lose themselves in playing computer games or eat or drink to excess. And some people feel numb, as if nothing has happened.
The grieving process takes time and healing usually happens gradually. The intensity of grief may be related to how sudden or predictable the loss was and how you felt about the person who died.
Some people may hold back their own grief or avoid talking about the person who died because they worry that it may make a parent or other family member sad. It's also natural to feel some guilt over a past argument or a difficult relationship with the person who died.
How do we cope with Grief? Just as people feel grief in many different ways, they handle it differently, too. Some people reach out for support from others and find comfort in good memories. Others become very busy to take their minds off the loss. Some people become depressed and withdraw from their peers or go out of the way to avoid the places or situations that remind them of the person who has died.
For some people, it can help to talk about the loss with others. Some do this naturally and easily with friends and family, while others talk to a professional therapist.
Some people may not feel like talking about it much at all because it's hard to find the words to express such deep and personal emotion or they wonder whether talking will make them feel the hurt more.
People sometimes deal with their sorrow by engaging in dangerous or self-destructive activities. Doing things like drinking, drugs, or cutting yourself to escape from the reality of a loss may seem to numb the pain, but the feeling is only temporary. This isn't really dealing with the pain, only masking it, which makes all those feelings build up inside and only prolongs the grief.
If your pain just seems to get worse, or if you feel like hurting yourself or have suicidal thoughts, tell someone you trust about how you feel.
The first few days after someone dies can be intense, with people expressing strong emotions, perhaps crying, comforting each other, and gathering to express their support and condolences to the ones most affected by the loss. It is common to feel as if you are "going crazy" and feel extremes of anxiety, panic, sadness, and helplessness. Some people describe feeling "unreal," as if they're looking at the world from a faraway place. Others feel moody, irritable, and resentful.
Family and friends often participate in rituals that may be part of their religious, cultural, community, or family traditions, such as memorial services, wakes, or funerals. These activities can help people get through the first days after a death and honor the person who died. People might spend time together talking and sharing memories about their loved one. This may continue for days or weeks following the loss as friends and family bring food, send cards, or stop by to visit.
Many times, people show their emotions during this time. But sometimes a person can be so shocked or overwhelmed by the death that he or she doesn't show any emotion right away — even though the loss is very hard. And it's not uncommon to see people smiling and talking with others at a funeral, as if something sad had not happened. But being among other mourners can be a comfort, reminding us that some things will stay the same.
Sometimes, when the rituals associated with grieving end, people might feel like they should be "over it" because everything seems to have gone back to normal. When those who are grieving first go back to their normal activities, it might be hard to put their hearts into everyday things. Many people go back to doing regular things after a few days or a week. But although they may not talk about their loss as much, the grieving process continues.
The loss of someone close to you can be stressful. It can help you to cope if you take care of yourself in certain small but important ways. Here are some that might help:
Remember that grief is a normal emotion. Know that you can (and will) heal over time.
Participate in rituals. Memorial services, funerals, and other traditions help people get through the first few days and honor the person who died.
Be with others. Even informal gatherings of family and friends bring a sense of support and help people not to feel so isolated in the first days and weeks of their grief.
Talk about it when you can. Some people find it helpful to tell the story of their loss or talk about their feelings. Sometimes a person doesn't feel like talking, and that's OK, too. No one should feel pressured to talk.
Express yourself. Even if you don't feel like talking, find ways to express your emotions and thoughts. Start writing about the memories you have of the person you lost and how you're feeling since the loss. Or write a song, poem, or tribute about your loved one. You can do this privately or share it with others.
Exercise. Exercise can help your mood. It may be hard to get motivated, so modify your usual routine if you need to.
Eat right. You may feel like skipping meals or you may not feel hungry, but your body still needs nutritious foods.
Join a support group. If you think you may be interested in attending a support group, ask an adult or school counselor about how to become involved. The thing to remember is that you don't have to be alone with your feelings or your pain.
Let your emotions be expressed and released. Don't stop yourself from having a good cry if you feel one coming on. Don't worry if listening to particular songs or doing other activities is painful because it brings back memories of the person that you lost; this is common. After a while, it becomes less painful.
Create a memorial or tribute. Plant a tree or garden, or memorialize the person in some fitting way, such as running in a charity run or walk in honor of the lost loved one.
Anyways, what we need to remember is that life goes on. For every grief, for every death, we have to find something positive in this world that makes us happy and our day brighter.
Have a nice week ahead.
PS Views expressed above are entirely my personal and any feedback can be sent by Email to abhish18@gmail.com or by SMS to 9436010439.